The Year of the NHC Breakers - HISTORY MADE!!
Once upon a time in Taranaki, a dream was born. Not a dream of trophies, medals, or glory but a dream to make hockey fun again. Out of that dream came the Ngāmotu Breakers, a team that existed not to win games, but to break expectations, stir up chaos, and find joy in the ridiculous.
From the beginning, the Breakers developed their own unique way of looking at things. Losses weren’t really losses if you applied Breakers Math™ , a scientifically developed method of calculations that was basically championship-level defence. Scoring was deemed optional while laughs become mandatory.
Chaos became their trademark. Someone was always forgetting something important — shoes, shinpads, directions to the right turf. Someone was always inventing a new “technique” mid-play, from dramatic modern dance moves to dropping a mouthguard as a distraction.
Even their goalie Eva was not immune she turned splits and chicken impressions into legitimate saves, while field players managed faceplants, teleportation, and occasional ballet routines. Counting bruises became the new way of scoring, and epic wipe outs were celebrated.
And then there were the awards. Each week, someone walked away with MVP — the Breaker of Expectations. This was the player who, against all odds, actually played a proper game of hockey, showed sheer grit, and made the rest of the team believe they too could become something.
But far more on-brand, someone also claimed the Pickle Player prize; sometimes the same person. This was awarded not for skill, but for moments of pure Breaker-style chaos — the kind that kept everyone in stitches.
Scoring at the wrong end and random new “moves” invented mid-play became standard. And yet, even those weren’t the best of it. Calling out names of people who didn’t even play hockey, yelling out a team members name instead of the usual “break” for a PC, or walking boob-first into the goal post were still not quite enough to make the cut in comparison.
You can imagine the sideline debates over who deserved the Pickle each game. Because if there was a way to mess it up with flair, a Breaker would absolutely do it, or say it, or fall over it.
Despite the chaos, progress crept in. The losses got smaller. Entire quarters passed without conceding. Whole halves, even. That’s basically immortality in Breakers Math. Because while the opposition was tallying goals, the Breakers were tallying bruises, giggles, and inside jokes. Rainstorms, dodgy umpire calls, and phantom force fields around the goal just became part of the Breakers’ ongoing saga.
They tried everything to get a goal, even bringing in elite coaching from an 8-year-old and in all honesty, if they could’ve subbed Kenzie in, they might’ve won.
The losses did take their toll and they lost their way a bit in the middle, the lack of goals were hard on even the most positive players and the chaos was getting in the way of improvement, but they pushed deep and with the help of some out of town umpires; of whom the Breakers maintain they came from Wellington especially to witness this team of epic vibes, they found their enthusiasm again.
And then came the miracle. The moment of moments. The holyest of grails. The scoreboard didn’t lie: the Breakers had finally, officially, scored a goal! Not into their own net. Not by accident. A real one. The crowd roared, sticks flew, the team ran around more than they had all game, bladders leaked and the scoreboard itself nearly glitched out in disbelief. That goal was proof that even chaos can make magic.
Through it all, even in the darkness, the Ngāmotu Breakers stayed true to their purpose: to bring the vibes. They may not have been undefeated on the field, but they were undefeated in spirit. A team of legends in their own right, legends of laughter, resilience, and glorious, unforgettable chaos.
Seriously Fun Hockey will never be the same again thanks to the Ngāmotu Breakers team of 2025.
